I feel like I can only vent on tumblr.
You guys don’t fucking know how hard today was. I fucking held my grandma as she was having a seizure, almost a stroke. Probably a stroke.. she was bleeding in her brain.. I prayed to god as she was being taken into the ambulance that it was something minor but nothing compared to the truth. Brian hemorrhage. Bleeding inside her brain. Lots of it too because of some meds she was on.. like holy fuck. My grandma died today. My fucking grandma died guys. Like out of all the fucking people in the world my grandma. The LEAST person to ever fucking deserve to go in such a bad way died. I’m not just saying that because she’s my grandma I fucking mean it. She didn’t do ANYTHING to fucking deserve whay she went through. I can’t fucking get these images out of my head from her eyes rolling back as I tried getting her to look at me. Or her gasping for air. Or her foaming at the mouth. Or how sweaty she got in a matter of seconds.. how pale she got. How her facial expressions went from happy to excruciating pain. Like fucking shit man.. I can’t get the sounds out of my fucking head either. My grandma making these awful sounds like she couldn’t breathe.. just groaning.. and my mom and aunt screaming in panic. Everyone fucking panicking and I’m there trying to keep my grandma conscious. But she lost consciousness in my arms and from there she never really got out of that coma. My grandma is forever gone. When I say those words to myself I cringe and want to fucking scream. I am grateful though that we were there with her in her last moments of life. I am never going to forget her. I’m just a little numb right now. I can’t really cry anymore. Just don’t really feel anything at this point.